Still Black in America...

So a lot has been happening in "Black America" of late (in quotes for those who are ready to get all up in arms about how there is only one America). Chris Brown apologized, Soledad had another special about "us", and President Obama went off message and called the police stupid. And, of course, the vultures continue to feed off Michael. Below, I've written a few letters to a few folks whose addresses I don't own. Because, of course, someone they are out there waiting for my opinion. (Sarcasm.) And because I really like letters. (Sincerity.)

***

Dear public who did actually witness Chriannagate,
Let us all continue to be careful. Let's guard ourselves not to blame the victim when she does not take up the causes we feel she should, and let's avoid judging the sincerity of a young man trapped in a cycle of violence. Let's give them space to be young humans, who make (sometimes heinous, sometimes seemingly inexplicable) mistakes. Let's continue to try and keep our jokes tasteful and hold back our condemnation. And let's hope they both get the help they need.

***

Dear White America,
Please don't think you can learn all you need to know about Black folks from a CNN special. Please don't think that most Black folks even watch CNN with any regularity.
Please don't ask a Black person about the statistics you saw in Black in America unless your interest is sincere and sustainable.
Please don't make some inane comment about how we shouldn't even have shows like this, because we shouldn't see the color that I most definitely wear every day.
Please don't feel guilty for your priviledge, especially if your guilt is idle.
There's much more I could say to you, but I'm moving on now, because I'm too busy being a productive black woman to dwell on this.

***

Dear Media,
Stop calling it an ever-loving Beer Summit. You are distracting from more important things, and making yourselves look silly. Do not minimize the reality of racial profiling by trivializing what happens daily to minorities and focusing on what the president drinks. And, just because the role race played in this particular case may have overemphasized, do NOT discredit the reality of it. And of all the things Obama said in that press conference, THIS is what you highlighted in your notes?
Stop.it.

***

Dear Jackson family,
In case we forget to say so, we as Michael's fans really are terribly sorry for your loss. Forgive us if we get caught up and gawk. We just remain in shock and awe at the life we witnessed that has now been extinguished. Take care of the young ones, and heal yourselves, and, if you have time, reign Joe in.
Thanks.

***

Well, that's quite enough on that from me. There is, obviously, much more to be expounded upon with each of these, but I think most of it has been said by now.

Random Ponderance of the Week

I know there are lots more important things I could write about, and should gather my thoughts on, but something has really been perplexing me, and so I'm taking a friends' suggestion and writing about it.

What is the purpose of men yelling out of car windows at women who are walking by? Or for that matter, attempting to communicate at all when the two parties are moving incompatibly (i.e. driving in opposite directions, across an intersection, the aforementioned driving v. walking/biking/jogging... you get the idea)?

Now, I'm not talking about obscenities or catcalls. That's another post, and would inspire more annoyance than curiosity. I am just truly confused about why a man would call out to me while I'm taking my daily lunch break walk, when he's in a car and knows good and well he's not pulling over. I mean, it doesn't stop my fresh air fitness, but I find it silly.

The action doesn't seem to serve any real purpose- he's not making any sort of real connection- most of the time I can hardly even see his face to remember him, if that was his goal. We don't exchange names, certainly not contact information, and on the days when I'm trying to make a phone call, he's not even likely to get a wave.

(a fellow confused victim of the drive-by holler)

I just don't get it. Not that I'm under the delusion that every man is looking for commitment, but like, what could you want that you can get in 5 seconds on a street in the middle of the steam of a DC summer? You aren't going to give me a ride, which is the only incentive I could see for a woman entertaining the nonsense that is a drive-by holler. And why on Earth would you want to roll down your window, letting out all the good air conditioning?
When this question was posed to a few guys I trust to be honest, they said (after, of
course assuring me that they NEVER do this) it was pretty much the closest thing to real life facebook. Translation- no risk, because he can drive away before the rejection comes. Hiding behind his steering wheel is probably even more effective than hiding behind a computer screen, since I don't even have a profile to block. Of course, the corollary to this lack of risk is a lack of success. You will, 87% of the time, get nothing of substance from this interaction. (That 87% is for the women this MUST work on or it wouldn't have become a technique.) In fact, with women of temperaments other than mine, you're likely to get annoyance instead of amusement, which would seem to be the opposite of the goal of such interaction...

But, perhaps this isn't really about anything of "substance." Perhaps it's just an attempt to be heard in an anonymous world? Like a real-time facebook status, maybe these guys just want someone to know they're there... I guess I don't begrudge them that, I mean, everybody needs somebody, and maybe that's the closest they get.

Still, I gotta put this up there with facebook poking- wasteful and odd, and pretty much pointless. Thumbs down guys, thumbs down.

Re: Don't Be Sad There's Chocolate in the Room

To understand the impetus for this post, read my friend Tim's blog. Furthermore, please remember that Tim is actually a favorite of mine on the trip, and has excellent manners (see "Home Training" for the relevance of that). Take all of this as an attempt to explicate my opinions, not an attack on Timmy Neutron.

Feel free to skip to the end for the summary.

This DukeEngage experience is the first time I've spent concentrated personal time with a group of people who have the Caucasian persuasion... Contrary to the beliefs of my grade school peers, I've spent most of my life around black people (at least my personal time... school and work are a very different story). After I left private school in second grade, I never had a close white friend until college, and even still, my "favorite white girl" and I don't spend the majority of our time together. I have had romantic feelings for a white guy, but race was actually a pretty big sticking point with us, and the source of much frustration for me.
I say all this to bring me to why I feel Tim and I disagree on this subject. I think Tim can view "black culture" as an environmental product because he, as he has said, never had to deal with race until college, and even now, does not really have to ponder it on a daily basis. Furthermore, from my studies and observations, few white people even believe there is such a thing as white culture. Secretly, it's called mainstream America.

So, on the day that spawned the quote and conversation Tim reference's

"I just want to be a girl today, not a black girl, just a girl..."

we had spent a lot of group time together. I had watched Shantel (a bi-racial girl on our program who identifies as black) be photographed while stepping, listened to a rant about how Bojangles chicken was racist, and gone on a haunted and vampire tour.
(Hey, here's the post I promised about that! Small victory!) We had a very Southern sounding white middle aged tour guide pointing out what I swear was every former slave quarters in the French quarter. Apparently they have slate counter tops and floors now, with thick walls so that no one hears your music, or when you beat your slaves... Whichever. She also told us about balls held where white slave holders could meet and buy pretty quadroons to take as mistresses, and the tour ended with a more graphic and sensational telling of the story of the LaLaurie house. Although it may be a case of yellow journalism and completely overhyped, capping off the tour with a tale of horrific cruelty to slaves, and the inability of the spirits of my possible ancestors to settle after a century was really just too much for me.
So, yes, I was tired of being a black girl. I needed a breather, and wanted to dance, and from my experience, (Tim and the aforementioned favorite white girl being exceptions), most white people don't dance when they go out. I don't feel at all misquoted.


But, Tim and I differ very starkly in our views of race, and I think his blog itself actually proves my point. Tim says:

Culture as I think of it is like a collective past; memories, traditions and beliefs that influence and shape the next generation.

Although I understand the efforts to invoke our shared American past, I think we can all see that Black Americans have experienced this history differently. Significantly affecting the black experience has been slavery, and though most white people were not slaveholders, the necessity of dehumanizing those of African descent in order to continue barbaric practices for financial gain has left a legacy that I don't believe can be denied. Centuries of oppression created differing memories, traditions and beliefs. Furthermore, because of the differing ancestries and continued separation of the race, some of the more concrete hallmarks of culture- food, storytelling traditions, dance styles, hair and clothing styles, the list goes on- are also incredibly different.
Now, in our conversations, Tim has seemed very concerned about over generalizations, which I totally agree with. Not all black people are the same anymore than all white people are, and I appreciate his ability to differentiate and aversion to stereotypes. But, we both agreed that Sushma, a girl in our program who's parents were both born in India and moved here before she was born, has a different culture... or at least her parents do. I honestly see no issue in acknowledging that though life in an Indian village and Bombay are different, there is still a cohesive Indian culture, just as though Black Americans have differences in urban, suburban and rural environments, and vary socioeconomically, and simply as individuals, there is still a culture.
Tim is arguing for a larger American culture, and while there is definitely some truth to that, it's illogical to think we really all are one. If we were "one" the statistics in health, education and poverty would not be so disparate between racial groups. Furthermore, again, from Tim's own points, if there's no such thing as black culture, why would Shantel know about Yaki weave??? She is of a very mixed racial heritage, resulting in great hair that grows quite well without synthetics. And what about other things we've discussed, like "CP time" and "gov'ment names"- stereotypical yes, but brought about because there is the perception of different races (I do believe race is mostly a social construct) and therefore there are differing expected behaviors. These classification have resulted in different cultures. And you can't ignore the existence of things like "Ebonics"- a shockingly national dialect even before the advent of mass media.

I could go on for quite a while, thanks to many experiences both being "the black girl" and "not black enough", reading too much Michael Eric Dyson, and being a AAAS minor. But a dissertation here would be silly and I don't want to accidentally talk myself out of my depth.

Summary: While I appreciate Tim's viewpoint, I think he's wrong. But, I don't think it's his fault. He's not been confronted with these issues for a lifetime and therefore wouldn't realize that he provided a lot of evidence for my point. Color-blindness, which is what I would say Tim is arguing for, is a beautiful idea, but simply not realistic in the near future.




Heart TimTim though!


As proof, I've included a picture of a moment of merriment. (see right)

Home Training

A list of things I wish people agreed with me on:

1. Please and thank you really are the magic words.
   
2. Unless they're wide open, I like to knock on suite doors and expect others to do the same.
   
3. I like to speak to people, and get made fun of for checking in all the time, but asking "how was your day?" is second nature to me. Besides the fact that it's polite and kind, it's the quickest way to find out interesting things about a person. You learn if people are pessimists or optimists, what they find important, or at least they're short term-memory capacity if you consistently ask this simple question and wait for the answer. And it's much more natural (at least to me) than contrived getting to know you questions about family background.
   
4. Hand in hand with the importance of speaking to people is listening and acknowledging that I've heard someone rather than ignoring them. Just because I don't feel as though something applies directly to me, or do not usually have conversation with someone, doesn't mean I get to invalidate what they're saying by pretending I cannot hear it when they are a few feet away and project and enunciate well.
   
5. If I am cooking in my suite, it's not required, but is definitely kind, to ask if anyone wants some. In my world, breakfast is not made and given to neighbors before the people in the room have a chance at the french toast.
6. Along those lines, if taking food that I have not had a hand in preparing, paying for, etc., I try and show gratitude. At the very least by saying hello to everyone who may have had a hand in the purchase and prep (i.e. the people in the suite). A thank you to the cook is also nice. Taking cookies without a hello and walking out is not nice.
   
7. I've always thought gossiping about one's friends was impolite. Or one's something other than friends for that matter.
8. Hypocrisy in general is unkind.
   
9. Carrying on a conversation as though others are not in the room and using pronouns so they don't understand exactly what's happening makes the anti-Sam's-ideal-manners list as well.
   
10. Talking through television and movies because they are not important to you is also not the most considerate thing.
11. Everyone should clean their own hair from the shower drain and take responsibility for their mess in general. Beyond manners, this keeps us from living in a collective pig sty since we have not paid for a cleaning crew.

I'm sure I could offer more explanation as to the source of this list, but that may lead me into some impolite territory of my own. So, I'll let it stand.

Have a nice day.